Alright, alright, let’s talk about this… this thing, this “All American Dildo,” they call it. I ain’t no expert, mind you, but I’ve heard things, seen things, you know? Folks whisperin’ in the market, seen pictures floatin’ around on that there inter-web thingy.
First off, they say it’s big. Real big. Like, some of ’em are eight inches, some even eleven! Eleven inches! Lord have mercy, that’s longer than my forearm! What in the world would a body do with somethin’ that big? I reckon some folks like it that way, though. To each their own, I always say.
They’re sayin’ it’s shaped like… well, you know… like a man’s thing. Only bigger, I guess. And they got all sorts of fancy words for it too. “Curved shaft,” they say. “Bulging veins.” Sounds kinda scary if you ask me. But I guess it’s supposed to feel good, real good, accordin’ to them that know.
And get this, they say it bends! Bends! Like it’s made of rubber or somethin’. They call it “flexes,” I think. Says it’s supposed to fit better inside ya, get in all the nooks and crannies. Well, I’ll be. Never heard of such a thing. Back in my day, things were… different. Simpler, you could say.
This “All American Dildo” ain’t just some plain ol’ thing, though. They say it’s got all sorts of fancy features. Like, some of ’em got this “suction cup” on the bottom. Sticks to things, they say. Walls, floors, whatever you fancy. I guess that’s handy if you wanna, you know, keep your hands free for other things. Don’t ask me what kinda things, I ain’t got a clue.
- They say it feels “real.” Now, I ain’t never felt one of these things myself, but they say it’s got all these bumps and ridges, like the real deal. They even got some with a big ol’ head on ’em. I guess that’s supposed to make it feel even better. Don’t ask me how, I just reportin’ what I hear.
- And it’s waterproof, too! Imagine that. You can take it in the bath, the shower, heck, even the swimmin’ pool if you want. Not sure why you’d wanna do that, but I guess you can. Seems kinda slippery to me, but who am I to judge?
- They also say it’s made of safe stuff, ain’t got no poisons or nothin’ in it. That’s important, I reckon. You don’t wanna be puttin’ nothin’ in your body that ain’t safe. Common sense, really.
Now, I ain’t sayin’ this “All American Dildo” is for everyone. It ain’t somethin’ I’d ever use myself, that’s for sure. But folks are different, and what one person likes, another might not. And that’s alright. Long as you ain’t hurtin’ nobody, I say do what makes you happy.
But if you’re thinkin’ about gettin’ one of these things, you best do your research. Make sure it’s the right size, the right shape, and made of the right stuff. And for goodness sake, be careful! You don’t want to end up in the hospital explainin’ to the doctor how you got hurt by a… well, you know. That’d be a conversation for the ages, wouldn’t it?
So there you have it. Everything I know about this “All American Dildo.” Like I said, I ain’t no expert, just passin’ on what I’ve heard. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I gotta go check on my chickens. They’re probably wonderin’ where I’ve been all this time, talkin’ about such… unmentionable things.
Tags: dildo, adult toy, pleasure, realistic dildo, suction cup dildo, waterproof dildo, american dildo
